life really such a game ! oh. love, actually.

okay, now.
choose which level u wanna play.
easy, medium or difficult.
ahh, for sure everybody starts from easy rite ?
well, when u're have some improvement u'll be in medium level and at the last, when u're good enough u'll play as pro in difficult level.
i don't care how pro are u, people !
but why, i'm always in easy level but i can't win anything in front of me.
tragis dan sadis perjalanan hidup gwa, but nothing gonna make me down because gwa tak kisah if 'that part' not in my life anymore.
if merujuk semula pada entry gwa yang sebelum ni, i have told bout something yang gwa harapkan dalam relationship.
but yea, kita tak semestinya dapat apa yang kita amat impikan.
if it is already over, just accept even its too hard.
nak tak nak teruskan hidup tanpa apa apa yang berkait rapat dengan hati dan perasaan.
masing masing ada hidup sendiri and just take it as simple things, jangan nak serabutkan otak, hati even hidup sekali pun dengan bayang bayang silam yang lepas.
kisah silam yang gagal dan ambil itu as example for own future.
betul, which is Allah akan berikan orang yang salah pada kita sebelum Allah temukan dengan orang yang betul.
sama ada sabar atau tak, kejap atau lambat and kenapa dan mengapa je.
and now, no more relationship between us.
and it means, i'm single okay. ehemmmmmm..
i don't wanna be a big liar if i said i just really okay with that crush.
memang lah susah sedih perit but just think that he is okay with his life without me.
okay kadang kadang sentap juga if terdengar lagu cinta both of us lah konon which is........ tak payah lah mention kat sini.
but apa kan daya, so gwa banyakkan fikir something better dari layan jiwa yang tak betul tu.

and one more thing, gwa tak rasa nak delete entry sebelum sebelum ni which is gwa ada bercerita bout him dalam entry tu.
biarkan je because blog like diary so tak kan nak dikoyak koyak diary tu kan ?
then, just let it be.
hari terus berlalu dan percaya tak, kesedihan gwa dah kurang and the good news is gwa dapat seorang teman baru and he is nice to be friend with.
he told me a lots of good things and some advice yang mampu berikan sedikit kekuatan pada diri gwa.
so, gwa telah isytiharkan dia as my forever best, great, good, awesome friend dalam hidup gwa.
untung dia datang tepat pada masa. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH..
dia banyak buat gwa ketawa and gwa happy Allah berikan seorang kawan yang baik macam dia.
so oleh sebab itu kitorang akan jadi forever gay couple.
ABAIKAN.
emm then after gwa start kenal ngan dia, every night mesti dia akan bagi good night wish yang panjang berjelar. hihi
tapi ayat dia punya lah cute, macam bagi ayat kat budak pempuan.
eh, dah memang gwa pempuan kan ? =..=
so gwa harap anything happened, kitorang akan terus berkawan baik even mesti akan muncul mulut mulut jahat yang akan membuatkan pencemaran bunyi.
so dude, if u read this jangan nak bangga sangat okay ?
HAHAHAHHAHA..
thanks, for being my friend dude.
i miss u.

we can't get everything that we wish of.

how sweet it is if only both of us to be in the greatest love story :')

when u're in love, u can feel appreciated every single time.
u always talk to him wherever u are.
u keep on phone with him, tak kesah lah dgn cara apa sekali pon..
maybe 3G, mms, and the sweetest things is, u're sms with him till u're sleeping and the phone still at ur hand.
when u're awake, the first thing u do is u're so hurry to find where ur phone and check if u got sms from him.
dgn mata sepet baru bangun tido tu pon, u're still try to read his sms and reply it.
it is very meaningful and u always wish if the same thing will be happen forever in ur days.

but trust me, yg indah dan membahagiakan itu bukan lah selamanya.
Allah bagi pinjam sekejap, so bila ada tu hargailah sesungguhnya.
everything changed in life.
it is different love story than before when u're in love with other person.
semuanya tak sama, mestilah, sebab org yg berlainan.
depends on who u couple with.

mana tau, cinta kali ni kau bercinta dgn kekasih org.
mmg kau tak de langsung niat utk jd org ke3, bah kan kau cuba utk menjauhkan diri.
but it is not easy when u've fall in love with him.
bagai nak gila kau cuba, tp haram langsung tak boleh.
then kau decide utk teruskan that relationship, and dia pon rasa mcm just okay to have 2 girl friends in his life.
so greedy -.-''
but in the same time, its really pain when u're always hurting.
nasib lah, bercinta dgn pakwe org kan ?
now, ur love story not like others.
u can't always feel the happiness because u're the second !
berkongsi, apa lah yg rase ?
u're not everything to him.
u can't keep sms with him because he has another to sms with.
jgn harap lah if kau sms dgn dia, dia akan bls on time sbb dia sms dgn 2 org.
stgh minit kau ambil mse nak reply sms dia, tp dia akan ambil mse 1 minit stgh utk reply sms kau.
tu pon paling cepat lah -.-'' hurmmmm.
bila mlm, before u're going to sleep it is just few sms u got from him.
nak gayut setiap mlm like other couples ? mmg tak dpt ah.
when u're the second in the others person life, mmg mcm ni lah kenyataan hdp.
sakit perit when u're sharing the love.
even sometimes he always did the best for u, but it is still can't cure the hurt in ur heart.
kau selalu hrp yg dia akan jd milik kau selamanya, tp tlg lah jgn nak mimpi sbb kau siapa je dlm kisah cinta hdp dia..
kau selalu rase kau just his second choice, perempuan simpanan dia, kekasih gelap dia, scandal dia..
but who knows the real story, they will give a good words to u.
itu hanya mereka yg memahami lah, yg tak memahami tu mula lah ckp the bad things.
u know what, in this case u're too tired of crying when u're keep trying to be someone who is can accept and understand who u are in this love story.
kau amat sakit dan ia terlalu perit utk kau terima kenyataan when he warn u to don't contact him when he with his another girl friend.
kau yg pilih jln tu.
kau yg cipta kisah cinta sebegini rupa.
kau sakit kan ? biaselah, karma.
kau cuba utk mencintai milik org, tu sbb kau sakit dlm mse yg sme.
2 in 1, sedap kan ?
kau menyayangi and in the same time too, kau dilukai dgn kenyataan hdp.
sudah sudah lah, tinggalkan kesakitan ni.
find the new life, new love story maybe.. insya Allah.
u're not too strong to go through this love story.

u must make it over, finish it. try, u can do it !
yea, it is not so easy but better u feel the painful now than u're going to be hurt forever.
try to leave him slowly..
try to decrease ur love to him..
try to forget bout him..
try to ignoring all the memories between u and him..
when the time comes and u can do it, just take the chance and try to not falling back to him.
remember this, all is depends on u.
u decide it either u want to being hurt forever or what else..
to them who is understand u, just thanks to them for gives u strength and advice.
u knew it that u can't do it alone.
so, with their words u can make it as ur strength to face the reality when u chose to just end this love story..
tragic love story.

..... i knew it dear, u never read my entry bout u. u never know bout my story and u never spend time to give ears to my stereo hearts. never mind, its just okay.. let say if u read this, i just wanna say i love u, thanks for this love, and u're one of my sweet memory in my whole life.

yea, whatever it is.. family come first.

siapa tahu perjalanan hidup diri sendiri ?
jgn kencing gwa. tak de sape pon yg tahu..
gwa nak ungkapkan segala kat sini tp mcm tak terluah.
its look like something difficult to be explain.
tp mmg, hidup gwa mmg betol betol main tarik tali.
tak tau sape menang, tergapai gapai..
hentah iye hentah tidak.
gwa nak cari life but don't know where and how.
sometimes i keep thinking why i became like this..
i can't get the answers but i keep looking of my past life and say to myself,
"just accept these because without all those things, i'm not who i am now".
that is the best way to cure my heart from sulking.
but why on these couple of days i always feel like...............
i'm become more far from all people in my life.
nak cari sebab kenapa, tp mcm tak kan jumpe..
hentah, why huh ? bad news maybe. perhaps, not.
tak indah mana kisah hidup gwa sebenarnya..
indah sebab terisinya kasih sayang dr family gwa, kawan kawan gwa..
tak ada cinta yg kekal melainkan cinta agung yg satu, Allah.
i'm very lucky to been here, in this family and this country.
yg silapnye.. tu jela, my ex are the biggest mistakes i have done in my whole life.
but just accept the takdir. face the fact, bkn susah..
ala, ckp senang nak buat mampuih.
even i have a guy in my heart, his love still can't beat my family's love.
gwa sayang sangat kat family gwa..
if anything bad happened to one of them, pls Allah replace the situation on me.
i'm begging U, Allah.
tak kesah lah bahagia mn pon kite bersame jejaka impian dlm hidup kite, ingat kasih keluarga tak de bandingannya dgn sayang dari mereka tu.
tu dunia jee tu.. it is just temporary.
trust me, family are everything !

hati boleh rasa, otak terus fikir, jiwa dalam dilema.

dah lame cari, tp tak jumpa.
nak ckp dah dpt kang over confident sgt.
so, be cool.. just follow the flow of my life. ade jodoh ade lah.. anyonyonyo.
hidup single mmg best tp nanti mula lah.. 'ahh, bosan doh. org lain couple couple tp gwa jgk single rider'. membebel dan terus membebel..
dan skang, bile dah berteman mula lah.. 'ala, kene lapor diri lah. nak gi mana, buat apa.. ceit, leceh'.
tu lah kite ni manusia. susah nak bersyukur..
waktu ade memekak, waktu tak de memekak.
so, now just appreciate what Allah gave to us.
be grateful, nothing are perfect in this life.
never get something perfect for the rest of our life..
lepas apa yg jadi dlm hidup gwa, gwa senyap.
tak nak cari life baru. busy kan diri dgn pelajaran dan at last, i'm done my pra dip.
akhirnya berkat 2 tahun menangis hadap assignment bagai, gwa dpt jgk selesaikan pelajaran gwa dlm bidang ni.
gwa settle final exam aritu dgn senyuman bangganya atas result gwa.
bangga sbb diri sendiri boleh buat yg terbaik.
pointer keseluruhan pon boleh tahan tp tak memuaskan hati gwa langsung.
then gwa kua Latihan Industri 3 bulan.
sape sangke, bdk cam gwa boleh lps LI tu.
sumpah, penat practical ni. tp syiokkk.. gwa sangkut. dgn mamat sorg ni.

ahahahha :)

lame hidup berteman air mata sepanjang mlm dan tika waktu kelapangan.
and now, who knows sejak kenal dia gwa dpt rase ketawe and senyum senyum atas kasih sayang seorang lelaki.
gwa tak harap lebih, nanti gwa kecewa lagi.
gwa slow jee, ikut ape yg patut dlm hari hari gwa ni and if Allah give him to me, i'm the one who can't stop my tears and i'm really Alhamdulilah to Allah.
i can saw lots of sacrifice that he gave for our relationship.
i really love it and with him, i learned the real mean of relationship.
mana tau hati ni leh tangkap cintan ngan dia pulak.
its unbelievable and until now i'm keep smiling when thinking bout our relationship.
kalau nak ckp pasal pengorbanan, mmg gwa kalah awal.
gwa pon tak tau tang mana pengorbanan gwa dlm hubungan ktorg ni.
kalau dia ye lah, tak payah ckp. macam macam and always wat gwa terharu dgn setiap apa yg dia buat ! TT__TT
gwa sayang dia.. sayang sgt. tp takut ?
so.. gwa wat biase jela.
gwa happy sgt bile dia always keep spent time ngan gwa.
walau pun gwa tak reti berlembut ngan dia. haahahahahaha !

i kasar eh sayang ? wawawawawawa. #first time bgambar berdua. eceh ceh ceh.

gwa tau relationship ktorg ni too complicated. tak pee.. gwa redha.
terima seadanya and apa yg dah ade sekarang pon gwa dah rase cukup bersyukur :)
sanggup dia hantar gwa dr jauh semata tak nak tgk gwa blah naik bus. huhu.. terharuuuu.
jauh perjalanan dia tp sanggup hantar gwa blk.
berteman demam dia tu sekali, dah lah dia drive sorg.
dr Port Dickson ke Malacca then ke Batu Pahat lak.
we're spent time together. share, listen, cry and laugh..
for me.. he is my abg, my pakwe, my gang and my closest person in my life.
gwa sayang dia. gwa sayang family gwa.. kak yang, thanks sbb accept dia :) dia mmg gituuuu.
dan korg pon kemain hentam gwa semalam kan ? haha.

love love love !

sayang, i tak janji utk jd yg terbaik tp i'll keep trying to not always make mistakes :)
thanks utk kisah ni and i bahagia dgn u..
I Sayang U.

today my life begins :)

I've been working hard so long
seems like pain has been my only friend
my fragile heart's been done so wrong
i wondered if I
I'd ever heal again

oh just like all the seasons never stay the same
all around me i can feel a change (oh)

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking
i know i can make it, today my life begins

yesterday has come and gone
and I've learn how to leave it where it is
and i see that i was wrong
for ever doubting i could win

oh just like all the seasons never stay the same
all around me i can feel a change (oh)

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking
i know i can make it, today my life begins

life's to short to have regrets
so I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget
only have one life to live
so you better make the best of it

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking
i know i can make it, today my life begins

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking
i know i can make it, today my life begins
today my life begins...

***this is what i feel right now. OMG i can't slow down my heartbeat..
maybe he is my new spirit after my life getting worse for this few days.
thanks new friend, for this feeling !
yup, i heart u dude.
and.. yes, i am. I LOVE U :)

tanpa dugaan, itu bukan hidup.

Dear LD,
now,i'm realized..
persahabatan tak selalunya cool and great.
ada masa Allah hadiahkan kita cabaran yg cukup kuat dan getir utk kita tempuh dlm sebuah persahabatan yg indah.
kasih sayang sebuah keluarga angkat seramai 18 org termasuk diri aku sendiri ni telah mengajar aku bagaimana utk menangani dugaan kesilapan yg dtg dr diri setiap individu.
dgn apa yg jd dlm keluarga angkat tercinta aku ni, aku tau di mana sebenarnya kepercayaan dan harapan yg boleh aku letakkan pd diri setiap satu mereka.
masih sayang dan tetap sayang buat selamanya.
biar pun ada kaca yg cuba menyakiti daging ni, biarkan ia berdarah namun aku akan tetap menunggu siapa mampu menarik kaca itu dan mengubat luka ini.
aku adalah aku.
kata seorang sahabat ku, hanya Allah yg mampu dan layak menilai seorang hambanya.
aku berterima kasih utk kata kata itu tp tak kan mampu menelan betapa pahitnya ia..
aku tahu siapa kawan dan siapa lawan.
hanya kawan yg aku sayang, dan hanya lawan aku segani.
makin ia menyakitkan, makin aku menjadi siapa aku.
MAAF bukan segalanya.
ubat kepahitan adalah madu.
dan madu itu penawar bg aku..
sekali aku dpt madu itu, akan aku hargainya hingga akhir hayat ku.
biarlah kasih sayang yg pernah wujud dlm hati ni segar dan tak kan pernah luntur..
hanya mereka yg aku sayang, dan mereka bknlah keluarga angkat aku lg.
aku ada hak utk meletakkan mereka dlm hati dan hdp aku..
dan mulai saat dan tika ini, keluarga angkat aku hanya lah 16 org ahli termasuk diri aku sendiri.
dan 15 org ini, akan aku pertahankan mereka hingga akhir nafas aku.
saat ini..
aku makin menyedari bahawa bkn lah semua itu adalah penyeri hdp aku.
setiap org ada cara, dan ada persepsi yg tersendiri.
biarlah aku menjadi diri aku sendiri drpd aku menjadi seorang yg hipokrit dgn dunia ini.
dan kawan yg sebenar adalah menerima sahabatnya seadanya..
aku akan tetap terus belajar memahami apa erti sahabat dan mencari dan tetap menemani mereka yg memerlukan aku..
sahabat, aku pasti ada selagi kamu masih memerlukan aku.
dan kini.. aku amat menghargai mereka yg masih menganggap aku sahabat.
itu pun jikalau mereka masih merasakan apa yg aku rasa..
percayalah cinta tak kan sehebat sebuah persahabatan.
dan biarlah Allah mengetahui segalanya mengenai aku kerana aku dtg dariNya.
hanya Allah layak menilai baik buruk aku kerana Allah Maha Pencipta dan Maha Mengetahui.
Allah yg telah menciptakan siapa aku, dan manusia sememangnya tidak layak utk menghakimi aku.
sebagai manusia, kita tidak perlu menilai org lain kerana kita sendiri masih belum cukup mengenali siapa kita sebenarnya.
ini entri luahan hati, bkn entri mengutuk.
selagi aku bernafas, itulah diri aku yg sebenarnya.
kita sesama manusia yg kerdil di sisi Allah.
tak kan pernah lari dr melakukan kesilapan..
tak perlu menjadi seorang heroin dlm sebuah kisah duka aku kerana kau bknlah wirawati di mata aku.
dan akhir sekali terima kasih utk kisah perit ini.. thanks, LOSER !

mereka keluarga a.k.a adik beradik angkat yg paling tersayang :) *tolak salah satu dr mereka.

aku tak perlukan duri dlm darah daging ni, tp aku perlukan mereka yg aku sayangi.

and both of them, sekeji mana pun aku masih dia anggap aku kawan dan masih menyayangi aku. myra.. selain pendengar setia, dialah penenang hati aku meski pun dia tegas dgn pendiriannya. n i love her.. n u LOSER, she still love me too ! kau jeles ngn kebahagiaan aku sbb tu kau pandai bckp mengenai aku :) babeng.

minus one of them !

final exam.

Salam..
mood org dah nak final ni mmg kdg kdg boleh membunuh.
so, jgn nak kacau aku sgt.
benda kecik pon leh jd besar.
hati aku sensitif gila bila dah nak dekat final ni.
punca ?
emm..
ntah !
tp yg aku rasa semua bercampur baur kat kepala otak aku ni.
formula maths, notes keusahawanan, tak masuk lagi modul modul bidang aku ni.
adeh..
sbb terlalu memikirkan hal hal ini, aku mula rasa semua tak kena.
room mates aku lah yg selalu jd mangsanya.
pity on them..
kak suzi, kak kecik, kak adek, atin and elen.
i'm so deeply sorry.
i'm always not in my mood.
baby asyik nak tarik muka, marah marah, baran tak bertempat kan ?
sorry again.
i love u all so muchie ! muahmuah.
baby tak sengaje..
baby mmg asyik mcm ni kan ?
atin, sorry. baby asyik marah marah.
sumpah, tak sengaja..
emosi baby tak stabil.
baby sayang atin sebenarnya. uwek.. hehe.
sorry tau.
girl friends aku dua org ni plk, piqa and awok.
aku mtk mf doh !
smlm kita hampir dah nak gadoh kan ?
semua pasal portfolio.
aku pon satu kan, pns baran sgt.
mf tau piqa, awok..
aku sayang korg sgt sgt sgt sgt sgt.
cukup tak sgt tu ?
weh, korg semua lah semangat baby kat sini.
tanpa room mates and both of u, piqa and awok, aku tak tau lah how aku nak teruskan life aku kat sini.
act, bila dah nak abs ni mula lah baru nak gedik gedik rpt ngn kwn kwn aku yg lain.
before this bknnye tak rapat, cuma ktorg masih tak de ruang utk kenal antara satu sama lain.
and now, our friendships become more awesome babe/dude !
class mates aku lah yg mampu ketawakan aku bila aku stress ngn pelajaran.
that was 2 years i've been here to get my pra dip.
hopefully, i'll be success in this course.
kak lang, rina suka sgt bidang ni !
thanks coz kak lang yg masukkan rina kat sini.
rina sayang kak lang sgtssss !
i love and miss the whole of our family.
aku kat sini berjuang selama 2 tahun demi family and myself.
aku tak sabar nak habiskan ni semua.
aku kena buat keputusan yg betol betol penting, for my future after i'm done my practical for 3 months.
moga Allah bg petunjuk.
emm okay lah.
org sensitif ni nak study.

sorry babes ! piqawok.

kak lang, rina rinduuuu sgt ! cpt cpt blk sini tau.